Raising teens in a dual-parent household has its difficulties. But raising teens as a single mom has an arena of challenges.
As many single moms of teens know, we serve above and beyond our motherly duties and must uphold the daddy role too, as much as we can. It’s not easy finding that balance.
And let’s be real, we mommas can’t ever be daddy’s, but we can do our best no matter how that looks.
I know, it’s exhausting and overwhelming sometimes, but you’ve got this! So peel yourself out of bed, grab a cup of coffee, and allow me to serve you 8 important tips for surviving raising teens as a single mom.
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Important Tips For Single Moms
First things first, if you don’t take care of yourself then who’s going to take care of the teens? They need us now more than ever.
Here are some single mom tips to get you out of survive mode and place you into thrive mode. And if no one has told you lately, you’re stronger than you know and you should be proud of yourself!
1. Love Yourself
That’s right, you need to love yourself on ALL levels:
- physically
- emotionally
- mentally
- spiritually
This was one of the toughest things for me and honestly, it still is on some days. You must devote yourself to eating healthy and working out. And your emotional and mental health is another must that must be tended to daily. Then there’s spiritual health, which like everything else, must be a priority.
It sounds like a lot, and for many of us single mommas, it may even feel selfish, but I assure you that it’s not!
Carve out time for yourself daily and it may look different every day which is completely okay. So what does ‘loving myself’ typically consist of daily?
I preset my Bulletproof coffee the night before, so I grab my coffee and head off to my chair time (read & listen to devotionals and write in prayer journal). Kicking off my day nurturing my spiritual health is a must for me, it just starts my day off with the right heart and mindset.
Insider Tip: Self-care looks different for everyone. Find the routine that works best for you, whether it’s baths, therapy, meditation, working out, or something else.
After this, I do a 20+ minute stretching or workout. I either hop on my row machine or do workouts from my BetterMe app.
I’m not a Martha Stewart or Betty Crocker, so I do best on intermittent fasting. I only eat from 10 am-6 pm each day and the other 16 hours of just coffee and water. Other little physical ways to love yourself are by developing a routine of cleansing and moisturizing. And not just your face, but your entire body including in between your toes. You need to learn how to love your entire self, not just bits and pieces.
Whatever is in your heart, is what flows out. Be mindful of what you digest, not just into your physical body, but with what you read, and what you watch. Put aside time for a good cry. Build yourself an emotional and mental health toolbox.
Pro Mom Tip: Write down 100 things that you love, including anything and everything except for people as that’s a given.
2. Accept Help
Serving may come naturally to us mommas, but accepting help may feel foreign and even uncomfortable. Yes, you are strong! Yes, you can move mountains! But, you have friends, family, and even your teens that are willing and able to help.
Insider Tip: Don’t discount the power and value of a good therapist, for you and/or your teen.
If someone offers help, learn to accept it and thank them. We know that you would help your best friend or family member if and when the tables are turned.
3. Be Present – Live In The Moment
This may take practice. Instead of spending all your time trying to make everything perfect for your teens, spend that time enjoying your teens. Believe me, if there are dirty dishes in the sink as ya’ll sit down together for some quality time, no one is going to think you’re a bad or dirty mom. There will always be a home to clean, but your teens won’t always be teens as their time under your roof is ticking away. Enjoy them while they’re still there and be fully with them.
It’s so important in these last years of their childhood to be tended to. Even though their independence is growing with each passing day, they need you now more than ever.
4. Focusing On Your Teens As A Single Mom By Being A Good Listener
Even though you may not like everything that comes out of your teen’s mouth, they need to know that you’re listening to them. One major action that provides your teen with surety of your love is a listening ear to the point where they feel heard. Will they ramble at times about nonsense, yes. But if you listen to what they’re saying in between their words, they’re sharing far beyond what is just being said.
Insider Tip: The more teens feel heard, the more they’ll open up.
5. Practice Open Communication
We know that communication is key in any relationship. You share your needs, they’ll open up and share theirs. If you cry in front of them, they will know and see that it’s okay to be vulnerable and cry. Sadly many homes don’t allow or accept tears, or that tears must be hidden.
So ask them questions, allow them to ask you questions. I’m not saying to be your teen’s best friend, but they need to learn before they move out that it’s better to ask the difficult questions or to speak the hard truths than to repress their voice.
6. Involve Your Teens – Chores, Menu, Vacations
Your teens want to feel they belong, they crave to be included. Even when they feel frustrated having to clean up their room or do the dishes, this promotes togetherness.
Insider Tip: Too many teens lose their voice before exiting childhood because they perceive that their opinions and thoughts aren’t good enough. When this happens, shame takes hold and that’s a stronghold that is hard to heal.
So next time you plan a meal or a vacation, include your teen(s) in the process. It’s a win-win, you’re gaining their help and they’re growing their voice.
7. Be Proactive, Not Reactive
Be on the offense, not the defense. When we are playing in the proactive field, this cuts out the majority of the battles that we must pick to fight. Have precise plans and consequences. And remember, we all may be undeserving of grace and mercy, but boy do we all need it sometimes. That goes for not only our teens, but ourselves.
8. Get Organized – Schedules, Calendars, Budgets/Financial Planning
It’s crazy how activities, events, and appointments stack up so quickly when they become teens. I personally rely heavily on the Cozi calendar which has every member of the family color-coded with what is going on. You can put your bills’ due dates, when track meets are, when your teen’s dental appointment is, and even your live grocery list. It’s a free shared live calendar that the whole family can add to.
Insider Tip: Having an organized calendar takes stress off the entire family.
It has helped me survive having 7 kids, for sure. Although I did just double book my one daughter’s bridal shower on the same day as my other daughter’s high school graduation, so there’s that!
As for budgeting, I have dedicated one day a week to finances so I don’t have to worry about it every day. My Financial Fridays have been a game changer.
Surviving To Thriving
There’s so much to being a single momma and we’d need a series of novels to provide all the tips and resources. But being this is a blog, here are additional tips and resources to surviving being a single mom raising teens.
Our end game is not to survive raising teens, but to thrive raising them. These are our mini-me’s and we want to make sure they have the tools necessary to thrive in their adulthood.
The time is now, start thriving today!
I hope you found my single mom tips and resources helpful for parenting your teen. There’s no such thing as a perfect mom, but I know we are all doing our best. Let me know in the comments if you have any other useful tools or tricks to share!
