Inside: Top 9 Rules for dating my son that are perfectly reasonable.
I know that there is nothing in this world that a mother will protect harder than her children. When they are little, you protect them from getting hurt, but as they get older, they will start to experience hurts that you cannot shield them from. That’s right, ladies and gents, today I am going to be discussing dating.
Specifically, what kinds of rules do you need to put in place when your teenage son starts dipping his toe in the dating pool? It’s inevitable, so it can be very important to prepare for.
It is a very delicate subject, but by establishing some rules early on, I think your teen will have a good dating experience. Let’s get into it!
Rules for Dating My Son
First things first, I want to put out a disclaimer. Each parent is different, and your needs may not align with everything on here, or you may want to add more rules. I cannot tell you how to parent; these are just some ideas to get you started.
The rules I have below are there to help both you and your son maintain respect for each other. Your teen is going to have to experience the dating world for himself; you cannot keep him in the nest forever. Sadly, doing so only pushes your children away more. I think the ideal space to be in is one that gives them room to make decisions while also having a foundation of rules that doesn’t cross your boundaries.
Who your child dates are up to them. Unless they are at an unacceptable age, you don’t have a say in who they go for. You can only support their decision by making their new person feel welcome and invited into your home. Alright, let’s get into this.
First up, I think the most important one is respect. I am not only talking about respecting you as the parent but when your son is in a relationship, both he and his new person need to respect each other. They are on this journey together, whether it be for a short time in high school or beyond.
So respecting each other and the people around them is key.
2. Rules for Dating My Son: Understanding
Rule number two is always to try to have an understanding of one another. This goes for anyone in my house, but especially when my teen starts to date. I want to drive home the importance of listening to one another, paying attention to boundaries, and understanding where the other party is coming from.
Think about it this way; this is a time in your son’s life that you can help guide him into becoming a wonderful partner for his future person. Being in a relationship is hard, but if you learn skills on how to communicate early on, you are going to have a much easier go of it.
This rule is also good for when you have to establish some boundaries with your son and the person he is dating. Perhaps they spend so much time together that it’s affecting his grades; when you sit down and talk with him, remind him of this rule. And use it yourself! We have all been young once.
3. No Closed Doors
I know this is a basic one, but I think it is a good boundary to set. I know that we don’t like to talk about it, but our teens will have sex eventually. It’s true that an open door won’t really stop those teen hormones, but you don’t need to make it easy on them.
Keeping the door open sends a message that it is not acceptable to do it when there are people at home. It’s about respecting the other people in the house. At the same time, do not make sex this dirty word that cannot be spoken about. Everyone does it.
I mean, heck, your son is biological proof that you have. Not talking about it only sets your child up for having unsafe sex. So keep that line of communication open.
4. Rules for Dating My Son: Communication
Speaking of communication, I think making communication a rule for dating your son is very important. You are teaching these teens the very foundation on which their relationships will be built. Instilling in them young that communicating with their partner is the very key to a healthy relationship will help them down the line.
This rule will also help them with any kind of relationship they have in their life. Whether it be a friendship or even the relationship, they have with you. It’s very important.
5. School Comes First
I think we can all speak from experience when I say that High School love can feel very intense. Your hormones are all working against you, making you feel things that are much more intense than they really are.
So it’s easy to put things that you are less passionate about to the side, like school. So remind them that school comes first. Even if that means having to have time apart.
6. Abide By the Curfew
This one may fall under the respect rule, but it is important. You can give them the freedom to go out together but have a time that they have to stick to. This will keep them on a schedule. Otherwise, they would be out all night. Remember that there are certain occasions when you can overlook this rule if they come to you first, like a party or a special showing of a movie.
7. No Nudes- This is ILLEGAL
I know this one will be an uncomfortable thing to discuss, but it should be. Technology today is amazing in so many ways, but it also gives teens the opportunity to make some really poor decisions. Remind them that sending nude photos is illegal when they are under the age of 18.
8. Make Time for Other People
Sometimes, you can be so excited about dating someone that you forget about every other person in your life. It happens, and when it does, you can gently remind your son that it’s important to have other people be a priority in his life as well.
9. Be In the Moment
I don’t think this one needs much of an explanation. It’s basically like telling them to have fun. They will only be this young once, experiencing the beautiful nature of falling in love. It is an awesome thing to see. So get off those phones and be in the moment!
So there you have it, my 9 rules for dating my son. Notice how I didn’t pull the “I can make you go away card.” This mentality is not only dysfunctional, but it’s wrong. I hope that by the time my son is dating, he will have the tools and the ability to understand when someone is bad for him.
It is not up to me to make that decision for him. You are welcoming this person into your life. Your son obviously thinks very highly of them, so please don’t let your fear of your son getting hurt stop you from being a kind person.
My mother-in-law was not very great to me for the first few years of me and my partner dating, and it ended up taking a bigger toll on him than it did on me(though it wasn’t fun for me either). So I am telling you from experience it’s never a good road to go down. If you loved these pearls of wisdom, check out this article. You’ll be prepared for any questions your son may have, You got this!