Inside: How to help your teen not be left out at home or at school or during summer plans.
When I was a child, I was very sensitive. I carried this sensitivity with will all throughout my childhood and into my teen years. Admittedly, it definitely made my life a little bit harder. But my parents really helped me out.
I’m a middle child, so I was constantly feeling like I was not getting enough of my parent’s attention. Being the sensitive person that I am, this is a lot bigger deal to me than it would be for other kids.
So I sat down and told my parents how I was feeling, and we were able to come up with ways to help me feel better together. Honestly, that one conversation changed my whole life. But I’ll get into that later. For now, I want to give you some tips for how to help your teen not be left out.
Tips For When Your Teen Is Feeling Left Out In School
Whether it be at home or at school, being left out is an awful thing to feel. It’s isolation, you start to question your worth, and it has lasting ripple effects on your life. If your teen has come to you and said they are being left out in school, these tips below will help you navigate this problem.
1. Consider Their Disposition
First and foremost, you need to consider your teen’s disposition. This will help you to get to the root of what is going on at school. For example, if they are generally pretty quiet and keep to themself, the solutions would look like pushing them to get out of their comfort zone.
But if they are naturally very outgoing, then you may have to dive a little deeper into what is going on. It’s important to make sure that there is no bullying happening.
2. Teach Them How To Manage Their Emotions
This is long-standing task that takes years, but you can always start today. When your teen comes to you and they are feeling like the whole world is out to get them, you need to take a moment to hear what is going on in their life.
Life will have its ups and downs, so equipping your teen with tools to use when it’s on a downward slope is essential. I think my biggest tip would be to tell the teen that it isn’t actually about them. If they are feeling left out in school, that means that they need to evaluate where they are getting their sense of worth from.
3. Enforce the Idea That It’s Not Personal
Like I said, it’s important that you enforce the idea that none of this is personal. Even if they are purposely leaving your teen out, it says nothing about your teen’s worth and everything about how others feel about themselves.
Most of the time, when someone gets left out in school it’s either because the group doesn’t realize what they are doing or it’s because it makes someone feel superior and powerful to leave people out.
Either way, your teen’s worth stays the say regardless of how many people leave them out. They just need to keep being themselves. The right people will come along.
4. Practice Speaking Up About How They Feel
Teaching your teen to speak up when they are feeling a certain way is a great way to get the line of communication flowing.
5. Validate Their Feelings
Let them know that their feelings are completely normal and that they are held at home.
6. Make Sure Your Child is Happy at Home
While you are talking, make sure that everything at home is still making your child feel happy and safe. Sometimes, we can create problems in our lives when our foundations are cracked.
It is worth a try!
7. Send Them to School with Gum
This one might sound funny, but it really helps. If your teen is struggling to be included and make friends because they are shy, then send them to school with gum. The teens will flock to them before the day is over.
8. Quality Over Quantity
You need to teach your teen that it isn’t about how many friends you have, but the quality of friends that you do have. It’s better to have 2 really good friends than 10 really bad ones. Don’t you think?
9. Don’t Have a Negative Reaction
I know it can be hard to hear that kids are being mean to your teen, but it’s important that you don’t have an explosive reaction. None of that, “Oh I am going to kill them! I’m calling the school right away.” stuff.
This will overwhelm your teen and make them feel not safe coming to you in the future.
10. Take time to allow them to work on this independently (but with your support)
Let them handle this on their own, they can totally figure it out with time and your guidance.
Tips For When Your Teen Feels Left Out At Home
This one can be a little more simple since it is happening within your home and you have more control over the outcome. Check out these tips on how to help your teen not be left out at home!
11. Be Observant
Make sure you are always paying attention to where your energy goes. If you have a child that is special needs or just typically takes up most of your time, makes sure that you also dedicate some time to making your other children feel the love.
12. Take Time To Talk To Them Daily
This is a small habit that works wonders.
13. Take a Weekly Solo Adventure
If you have the time, make sure that you are going on a little solo outing with your teen. This way they can get that quality one on one time.
14. Try and Be Balanced with Your Time
With a little bit of hard work, you can do it.
15. Never Bad Mouth Your Other Children
You may not do it on purpose, but when you say anything negative about your other children, you are letting your child know that you may say those things about them too.
16. Create an Open Line of Communication
This is very important.
17. Keep an Eye Out For Emotional Cues
Knowing how to spot your teen’s emotional cues when they are feeling left out is super helpful.
18. Constantly Let Them Know How Loved They Are
Whether it be by telling them or showing them, make sure they know.
19. Be Honest
It can be hard to have more than one child. Let your kid in on that, be honest with them. They will appreciate it.
20. Don’t Feel Attacked
I know it can feel like they are saying that you are failing as a parent, but I promise this is not the case. Take it as constructive criticism and a way to improve your relationship with your teen.
21. Be Flexible
Know that teens’ feelings change rapidly. This does not mean that they are not important.
I hope you loved these tips on how to help your teen not be left out.
There are so many other tips and tricks I have for those of you raising teens, so you should check these out.
It’s no easy thing, to be a parent. But with a little hard work and an open mind, I know that you are going to continue to be wonderful. You totally got this!
I am Natalie, the eldest sister of two teens. I hope to bring not only a fresh outer perspective but an internal one as well when writing here.