Inside: Why does my daughter hate me? How to understand and work towards mending the relationship.
Being a parent is no easy task. As your child grows from toddler to teen to adult, there are going to be many rough patches that you go through. I think it is important to remember that you are just a human who is still learning.
You are not a parenting expert, nor are you perfect. What is important is that you are constantly trying to be better. Chances are you clicked on this article because your Daughter may have recently declared that she hates you. This is a pretty common thing to happen, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t serious.
Keep reading to get some tips on understanding why your daughter feels this way, and what you can do to help mend your relationship. Go into this with an open mind and an open heart.
Why Does My Daughter Hate Me?
The answer to this is a very personal one, so I can’t give you the exact reason. But I can explain a few factors that are possibly playing a role in the outcome that you are experiencing. By learning these factors, you will better understand where your daughter is coming from and how you can help her work through those feelings while still maintaining a relationship as they get older.
How Do You Cope When Your Daughter Hates You?
1. Teens Experience Rapid Shifts In Hormones
If you have a teen, you may have asked yourself the question, “Why Is My Daughter So Mean To Me?” Your fun, loving little child has turned into a moody, flippant mean girl that you are struggling to recognize.
Well, don’t worry because this is not your fault, it’s biology! You were a teenager once, don’t you remember how awful it was? Your emotions felt like title waves and you were at the mercy of them! Well, it can be very helpful to tap into those memories of teenage you, because it will give you a unique insight into your daughter’s brain.
Don’t take it too personally. This time will pass. If you are reading this and your daughter is an adult who is saying that she hates you, I think you would better benefit from tips 3 through 5.
2. She Is Figuring Out How To Be Independent
As your teens get older, hormones aren’t the only thing that they are working through. This is also a time when they are starting to try and figure out how to be independent. They are their own little beings, and they realize that it’s time that they figure out who they are.
Sometimes, this can look like rejecting the very parents who brought them up. This could be because of a mix of factors, such as hormones, life changes, etc.
Just imagine it: You are trying to learn how to be your own person, and suddenly the rules that you have to follow feel much more strict, and the people enforcing them feel like prison guards. I know that is dramatic, but it is an accurate example of what is going on. Have patience with your daughter, and work with tips 3, 4, and 5.
3. You Need To Be Conscious Of Your Own Actions
This one can be so hard because as parents one of the touchiest subjects is whether or not you are doing a good job. It’s honestly very scary to raise a little person because you have never done it before. You love them so much that you question if you could go on living without them.
All you want is for them to be happy, and yet sometimes along the way, you can get caught up in the way that you think parenting has to look like that you don’t see where you can improve.
If you’re asking yourself why does my daughter hate me, then you need to take a step back and try and become more conscious of your own actions. They aren’t saying this out of the blue.
Sure, hormones do have a big part in it, but if the hateful feelings have escalated to the point of it causing issues within your relationship, there is probably something bigger going on under the surface. It can be a hard shift, but it is an important one.
4. You Should Look At It As A Sign
There is a big difference between your teen screaming they hate you when you don’t let them go out on a school night and a long-running feud that only stands to pull you two apart. So if your daughter really hates you, you need to look at it as a sign that things in your relationship need to be worked on.
Do not feel like the victim here, because that is only going to pull you two farther away. You need to take ownership of your own actions and actively work towards mending the relationship.
It can be so easy to be caught up in a victim mentality. You might think that you don’t understand why your daughter hates you, and you may think that you have done nothing wrong. But the thing is, you probably did.
I know that’s really harsh, but it’s the reality. But here is the thing…you are going to do things wrong every now and then. That is natural. What you do when you realize your shortcomings, how you get back up and try harder to be better, is what is important.
So, pinpoint your shortcomings. Where are the areas in your relationship that need working on? In what ways can you start to work on them? Follow this up with tip number 5.
5. Why Does My Daughter Hate Me? Communicate!
My last and largest tip is to communicate with your daughter. After you have identified some areas that you need to work on, have a conversation with her about it.
She probably has some words to say, but if you listen to them with an open mind, if you view this as an opportunity to see how she feels without taking it as a personal attack on you as a person, then you can start to mend.
So listen to her, talk to her about your thought process, and together you can work to brainstorm ways you can fix this. You can do it!
I know that it can be such a confusing and heartbreaking time when your child has such intense negative feelings towards you, but with proper care and actions, you can absolutely work towards mending this situation.
I hope this answered the question, “why does my daughter hate me?”, and that the tips I gave you for understanding were helpful. I am speaking as a daughter who has experienced these very intense feelings with my parents. I am grateful that they were able to help me work through them.
Honestly, our relationship became much stronger after the fact. This is because it made me realize that we could always talk through whatever issues we may be having.
So look at this as an opportunity to grow closer with your daughter. You will get through this together!